Nokuthula Lawy

 

I’m from Cintsa, in North London. I’m born here, study here, work here. I think I will die here. My family is here. I would like to go to overseas. I’m not sure which place, but I want to go. If I have wings I should have to go now, because it’s been a long time now here. But I don’t have, I have no wings to go. 

 

So what I’m singing, I’m going to make a calling, it means I’m going to Joburg. The people there they don’t look at you, how old are you. Things are going so fast, I am still young there in Joburg. There are many things to do there, but here I cant do anything just to enjoy myself. Because I’m tired of this, my mom is not here, no one is going to help me, Joburg’s going to help me. There’s money there, there’s mans there. I can do whatever I want to do, nobody can look at me what are you doing. Many people go, but for me it is not easy because I have two children, so I have to take care of them. The first one is 19 years old and the second one and my last-born is 4 years old, is my heart, is my last-born.

 

Now I am 38 years old, so in my culture you have to get married before 21 years, so I’m not married now. I’m over age already. So I think its because my mother is not alive, see in our culture we’ve got some herbs we use to, for the children, you have a girl they have to wash us using that herb, so you can get like that you see. So for me I don’t have a mother, I think that is the reason. There is no one looking after me because my mom is died. So I have a song I used to sing for me sometimes when I think of it.  It’s Xabendino Mama.

 

It makes me feel alright, but now I’m free I’m happy now because I’m a Christian now so I know Jesus is with me. I’m not alone, where as my mom is not here. So there is nothing late for Jesus, I can get my husband. Even if I am 50 years I can get my husband. Days before we believed that in our culture, but now I think its possible, its not impossible. 

 

My little one she knows that, she always asks me that, Mama can you sing that song? And I sing, she also knows how to sing that song, but she doesn’t know the reason why.

But now I don’t have that feeling now, that much, for the song I’m singing. Now I’m happy.

 

Cintsa, South Africa